Soaking in the Dream

A Reflection on Peace, Purpose and the Long Road Here

"This is exactly the life I’ve always wanted to experience."

That thought kept echoing in my mind as I floated on the paddle board—sun warming my face, a cool morning breeze brushing against my skin, and my eyes soaking in the lush, green mountains. The stillness of the lake mirrored the stillness in my body. I was at peace. Not just for a moment, but for the entire day, which I knew would be slow, spacious, and grounded in nature.

It felt like I had flipped timelines.While most people in their twenties are figuring out who they are or what they want to do, I had already opened a dance studio. My twenties—and well into my thirties—were consumed with contracts, competitions, dance moms, and back-to-back seasons. My life was run by a clock I didn’t control: Showcase in June, Nationals in July, summer intensives in August… then rinse and repeat. There were no days off. No breaks. And definitely no mornings at the lake.

I remember looking around at the moms in my studio—curious.What does it feel like to have a day off? To be supported? To feel happy? I didn’t know how to answer that back then. My nervous system was wired for fight or flight. I lived in a constant state of doing, fixing, managing. Burnout was my baseline, and "peace" felt like a faraway fantasy.

The past eight years have been a massive unraveling.Or maybe a better word is re-learning.I’ve been teaching myself how to slow down. How to be present. How to trust that I don’t need to earn my rest. It’s been deep, tender work. Learning how to regulate my nervous system, to live in a body that isn’t bracing for the next fire to put out. And let me tell you—healing isn’t passive. It requires radical self-love, self-compassion, and a shit-ton of self-forgiveness.

Sometimes, I have to pause and say to myself:"Wow, Julie. Look at everything you built. Look at how hard you worked. Look at what you sacrificed. And now… look at what you finally have time for."

This is the life I used to dream about: To be supported. To not be rushing. To feel joy in my bones without needing a reason. To rest—and not feel guilty. To be in nature. To know what it’s like to feel safe in my own nervous system.

And now that I’m living that dream, the work is to receive it. To not let it rush past unnoticed. To soak in the fullness of this moment and say, with gratitude and awe:This is it. This is the dream.

If you’re reading this and you're in the thick of the grind, I want to gently remind you: your dream life isn’t gone. It’s not too late. It's just one breath, one bold choice, one layer of letting go away. Life is long. There’s time. And there are so many versions of happiness waiting for you—some you haven’t even imagined yet.

Letting go of my past life wasn’t easy. It took time. It still does.But the gift on the other side?Peace. Presence.... And the knowing that I get to live my life differently now.

More in tune. More on purpose. More like me.

And honestly- that feels like the miracle.

Letting nature Heal:Numinous Wisdom Blog